When We Were Young
by EmotionISTheGame
Summary: Sam, a very close friend from the early years of Gerard's life, comes back to visit him. What happens when she's the best and worst thing that's ever happened to him? My Chemical Romance.
1. Chapter 1

Gerard (narrate):  
>I never thought she'd actually leave. My best friend and playmate, Sam Whitley was never afraid to have her voice heard if it was for a cause, otherwise, she rarely spoke to anyone besides my brother and I. She told me many years ago that just telling me her name made her nervous. She was so sweet then, when we met in second grade. The longer I knew her, the more independent and outspoken she became. Very brave of her. My parents always approved of her, she was always so polite. One time, she was over at our house for the weekend and I let her have my bedroom while I shared with Mikey. I went in to wake her the next day and found my entire room cleaned and organized, a pile of grocery bags filled with trash sat by the door. When i asked her about it, she simply replied, "I couldn't sleep and your room was nasty, so I just tidied up a bit." My mother thought nothing of it. But I saw that she was troubled, even then purple sacks lined the belly of her eyes.<p>

Gerard (August 1984):  
>Life is difficult when your small and quiet. It doesn't help much when your a doodling introvert either. I used to play on the playground with the others. That is, until Joseph decided against it. Yesterday he dropped a textbook on my foot. I feared what was next as I walked pout the heavy metal doors, moving slower than the other kids. I clutched my book in my hand, my knuckles turning white each time I heard a voice from the metal jungle gym. I quickly walked to my hiding place, a small space between two walls of the school. It was further from the teachers than I was comfortable with, and the lighting was less than satisfactory, but it kept me hidden from the menace known as Joseph. I had been alone for a good ten minutes and began to hum a tune I heard on the radio. Suddenly the small amour of light that I did have was blocked by a tall figure. I looked. Up to the figure, it's mouth was curled into an evil smile.<br>"H-Hey Joseph." I whimpered.  
>"Whatchya readin' there Way?" he hissed, using my last name like a cuss-word.<br>"N-nothing." I slid the book behind my back and up my jacket. The cold cover sent chills and flinches up my spine.  
>"oh really? Well, I think your lying." he held his fist up and let it come down hard on my arm . Again, on my cheek this time. I saw a girl a few feet away,then I heard her yell.<br>"Hey you leave him alone he didn't do anything to you!" within seconds she was standing between Joseph and me, hands on her hips. "Leave him alone, you have no right to do this to him!" she yelled at Joseph again.  
>"What? Why should I leave little Way alone?"<br>"Because I said so!"  
>"Wait, he's a fourth grader, he could really hurt you." I squeaked. She held her hand out in front of my, signaling me to be quiet.<br>"Oh, are you Gerard's little girlfriend?" He made kissy faces at her. Her expression didn't change.  
>"No I am not. I don't even know a Gerard. I just don't think you have any right to treat anybody this way. He hasn't done anything to you and you keep on hurting him." I saw a few teachers come towards us, but still keeping their distance. Joseph looked dumbfounded. A girl was telling him off, and he couldn't stand it.<br>"I think you need to know when to leave me alone. Just go play jump-rope or something." he tried to push her aside, she didn't budge.  
>"No. I'll stay here until you leave him alone. You can't do this to kids who haven't done anything. Or to kids who have. It's the teacher's job to take care of punishments. Not you Joe. So you go play jump-rope or hopscotch, I don't really care. Just stop hurting people." with that Joseph turned and walked away, only to be greeted by our teacher, who grabbed him by the arm and took him inside. The girl turned around to face me. Her thin blonde hair was put in loose pig tails near the back of her neck. A smile spread over her face slightly,but then faded to almost nothing.<br>"Hello... I'm ...I'm Sam." She held out her hand to help me up. "You must be Gerard. Sorry Joseph is such a jerk to you. he should leave you alone." I didn't say anything. I looked at her for a second, trying to get the cogs in my brain to understand what just happened. My eyes blinked and I remembered she wanted me to talk.  
>"Oh, yeah. Thanks, I think I'd be in the nurse's office with a broken jaw if you hadn't helped me." she smiled more now.<br>"Okay, well it was nice meeting you Gerard!" she called back to me as she ran to a teacher. I sat back down and continued reading, humming louder now.

The next day she sat next to me at lunch.  
>"Hey Gerard? Can I sit with you?" I nodded and she sat down nervously. Nobody sat with us, I was surprised she didn't have another person with her. " I'm new here. I just started school yesterday." she choked out after a few awkward minutes.<br>"Oh really? Where did you move from?" I didn't make eye contact. I looked slightly over to her tray. An open milk and half eaten sandwich lay motionless.  
>"I'm from northern Virginia." I giggled at her response.<br>"What's the difference between northern and southern?" she huffed a a bit at my mockery.  
>"Northern is closer to D.C and is more city and outer suburbs. Southern is more farmland and less people." I finally looked at her. Yellowy-green eyes stared at me.<br>"That makes sense I guess. Have you met any friends?" I sounded like a mother worried about her child, but it kept the awkwardness at bay.  
>"Nope." she sighed. " I am kinda quiet and I've only really talked to you." We both sat there in the silence until I spoke up.<br>"So, you into anything? Hobbies? Habits or anything?"  
>"Well I love to read and I kinda draw, but mostly just doodles on my homework. I paint with my mom sometimes." I craved to know more about the pig-tailed mystery.<br>"What kind of books?" I had finished my lunch and played with what mashed potatoes were left on my plate.  
>"Well, I'm not real big on comics, but I read some batman and spider-man my brother let's me borrow. But besides that, I like to read mostly mystery and horror." She looked at me embarrassed. I can understand why, not many girls our age even read books, little lone horror and mystery. Sam seemed like a very odd, but interesting friend.<br>"Cool, me too. I love comic books though. It helps me picture what I'm reading." We both stood up with our trays and took them to the wash window,still talking.  
>"Well they are picture books." she said matter of factually.<br>"That's the point." I smiled and made her giggle. Our conversation continued down the hallway and to our classroom. By the end of the day I had found out so much about her. She was very honest and open. I found that she too, loved music, although we didn't agree on our favorites. She told me of her life in Virginia, how she used to play soccer and was a gymnast. She also told me about how her parents divorced and that she was now being forced to live with her dad. She sounded less than thrilled. She showed me some of her drawings, they were mostly squiggles meant to represent something. She was excited to show me, like fresh gossip. At the end of the day a teacher came over to us while we were working on our math problems.  
>"Sam, I would just like to say that it was a very nice thing you did yesterday. And that I am proud of you for using your words and not violence. It was very brave of you to stand up to Joseph like that." The teacher beamed at Sam and placed a small golden star on her hand. When the teacher walked away, Sam turned to me and smiled. I smiled back and continued my work. she took the sticker off her hand and placed it on a piece of lined paper. She circled the small figure with a red crayon and next to it wrote in messy handwriting: "This is for helping my new friend Gerard Way. Will you be my best friend Gerard?" she handed it to me so I could reply. At this stage in our life it was not odd to ask such questions. In a black crayon sitting on the desk, I simply replied: " Yes Sam I will."<p>

Gerard (narrate):  
>Over the next few months we became thick as thieves. We played at each others houses constantly. In March her father had to leave on a business trip, so she stayed with us. This was when she cleaned my room and I noticed something troubling her.<p>

Gerard (March of Second Grade):  
>I lay on the floor next to Mikey's bed. Silence filled the air and a night light projected the shapes of the moon and stars on the ceiling. Sleep wasn't coming and I knew it. I grabbed a comic off the book shelf and began reading about one of Batman's adventures in Gothem city when I heard a faint sobbing sound. I stopped reading and listened for a few more moments as the sobs grew slightly louder. I crawled over to the wall opposite Mikey's bed. My room was just behind this wall, where the crying was coming from. I stood and quietly snuck out into the hallway. I cracked the door to my bedroom slowly. In the dim light I could just barely see the outline of Sam huddled on the floor, her knees pressed to her chest and her head buried behind her loose hair and arms. I closed the door and went back into Mikey's room. I laid back down and refused to shut my eyes until I could no longer hear her cries,which eventually happened around 1 or 2 in the morning. The next morning I walked downstairs groggily to the smell of pancakes. I sat in one of the chairs in the dinning room. My mom poked her head around the corner.<br>"Gerard! Don't be rude! Go wake Sam and Mikey up." I nodded and headed back down the hall, first to Mikey's, then my own room. When I opened the door, what I saw was almost scary. My entire room was spotless. A pile of grocery bags lay next to the door. Sam slept in my bed, huddled against the wall. All books were neatly placed on their shelves, my clothes were intricately folded and put into organized drawers. I opened my closet and saw all my jackets and shirts hung and color ordered. I closed the closet door and Sam stirred out of sleep.  
>"Gee? Whatchya doing?" Gee? This was new. She'd never called me that before. Then again, she was still half asleep and probably didn't realize where she was.<br>"Sam? Did you clean my room?" she nodded and then shrugged her shoulders as she made her way to the door.  
>"um, yeah. It was dirty and I couldn't sleep." she walked slowly into the kitchen, I followed, still dumbfounded. Sam and Mikey sat at the table, piling pancakes onto their plates. I grabbed my mom and pulled her into my room.<br>"Gerard? What's going on? Oh my..." she gasped at the state of my room. "your room hasn't been this clean since we moved in! I'm proud of you for cleaning it hon'." she began to walk out when I held on to her arm.  
>"But Mom, I didn't clean it. Sam was up very late cleaning it for me." she pulled my hand away.<br>"That was a very thoughtful thing of her to do, now will you please join us for. Breakfast?" I followed her top the dining room and took a seat across from Sam.  
>"Good morning Gerard."<br>"Morning Sam." I Studied her eyes. Dark purple circles had formed underneath each eye socket. We ate and helped clean up, just normal chit chatting and then Sam and I went downstairs to watch Saturday cartoons.

Then, after my parents had gone to bed, I heard Sam crying again. I snuck out into the hallway again, careful not to wake anyone. I slowly walked into my room and found Sam on my bed in the same position as before, he head leaning against the wall.  
>"Sam? Are you alright?" she looked up at me, her eyes puffy and red. "Not really." She repositioned herself on the bed as I walked closer to her.<br>"What's wrong?" I sat next to her and hugged her. She cried harder now.  
>"I miss my mommy. Gee, I haven't seen her in almost year. And my dad is mean to Drake and I." I released her from the hug, but she continued to cry.<br>"What do you mean he is mean to you?" she sniffed and wiped away a few tears.  
>"Be yells at us over the littlest things, and he doesn't read to me like my mom did. I just miss her a lot." I didn't really know what to say, but somehow I still spoke.<br>"It's Okay Sam. You have me, And Drake. And you can always cal l your mom. Do you want me to sleep in here?" she nodded and I left her alone for a moment so I could go collect my bed stuff from Mikey's room. She laid down underneath the comforter on my bed and I laid under a quilt on the floor next to her. I left the door open so a breeze would pass while we slept. I fell asleep that night to the sound of Sam sniffling and yawning.


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay, wow. I did this sort of as a fun idea and got a really positive response. I'm super glad you guys like it. Personally this is like my favorite story to write. I've had this in my head for quite a while and I am so damn excited about this ^_^ **

Gerard (narrate):  
>After that night in March, Sam and I became a lot closer. We still only had each other when we returned to school in late summer. Mikey started school that year and stuck to us like glue. For Halloween that year I was Batman, she was a dead bride. She informed me that night that she was moving back to Virginia with her mom. My world spun. My best friend. My only friend was leaving. She left the next week. We said our goodbyes and spent as much time together as possible before she departed. When she left I felt alone. Before it was her and I against the world. Then it was just me. After a miserable third grade, my family moved to Belleville from Newark. I started drawing more and I got involved in the school theatrical department. Sam and I talked from time to time on the phone, But the conversations were always awkward. When we got older we both got Emails, we talked more . But very quickly that too became less and less frequent. Then, out of the blue she called me on my 16th birthday at 1 in the morning.<p>

Gerard (April 9th 1993)  
>On the other line I heard several giggling girls and then loud yelling.<br>"Guys! Oh my god! Who are you calling?" I recognized the yelling as Sam.  
>"Happy birthday Gerard." an unfamiliar voice said into the phone. I was confused.<br>"How did you know my birthday was today?" more giggling followed.  
>"Well, Sammy has it on her calendar. 'Gerard's 16th birthday' right there on April 9th." I turned around to look at my own calendar. Sam's birthday was clearly marked on April 25th.<br>"Damn it Jessica, give me the phone." Sam hollered out as I heard the sounds of struggle and a door slam.  
>"Sorry Gee, I was asleep and they took my phone."<br>"It's okay. But I gotta get some sleep. Bye Sam." I heard her sigh as she sadly replied.  
>"Yeah. Goodnight Gerard. Happy birthday." I laid back down in the darkness, but smiled. I knew she didn't forget me.<p>

Gerard (narrate):  
>I didn't hear from her again until my senior year in high school. I hadn't forgotten about her. Although Mikey had before he hit middle school. Second semester had just started and I was pretty confident of what I was going to do with my life. That is, until Sam Whitley walked right back into my life.<p>

Gerard (January 19th 1995):  
>I walked into my usual seat in the back of my room. English was first, which meant I would be able to draw most of the time. The teacher called role and I didn't pay attention until my name was called and after mine, Samantha Whitley's name was called. I looked around waiting for someone say something.<br>"Samantha? Are you present dear?" our teacher called again. The girl sitting next to me rose her hand in reply.  
>"I'm here ma'am, and I'd prefer to be called Sam" I stared at her. Was it really? I kept staring, not caring who saw me gaze. She had long, wavy, golden hair. The Sam I was used to had nearly white, straight hair. She glanced at me and then turned, her eyes looking at me confused and a bit offended. They were the same yellow-green I remembered. Only now instead of innocence, I saw pain. It was her. It had to be.<br>"Ahem? Can I help you? Or are you just insane?" I didn't say anything. I just kept looking at her. We sat there and studied each other. Her confusion turned to thought process, like she was trying to figure out who I was. After a minute or so we relinquished our staring and focused on our work. Half way through class she tossed me a note.  
>"<em>this is going to sound completely idiotic, but will you sit with me at lunch?I have no one to sit with. I'm new here."<em> I took my pencil and wrote a simple reply that brought happy thoughts to mind.  
><em>"Yeah, sure."<em> I tossed it back with a smile on my face. When class broke out, I saw what Sam was wearing. She had faded dark blue jeans and black converse with red laces. She wore a smiths shirt and a black jacket over-top. Next I had Art, another favorite class of mine. But I felt like a stalker because I was walking behind Sam the entire time. When I arrived, finally walking independently, Sam was talking to our teacher about our latest assignment. I had just gotten my sketchbook out when I heard my name being called out.  
>"Go see Gerard. He'll explain exactly what we're doing." Sam walked towards me and set her backpack on the floor under the desk next to mine.<br>"So your name is Gerard?"  
>I nodded.<br>"Now we're working on sculptors that define ourselves."I nervously walked over to the area where we get clay. "What?" She looked at me dazed.  
>"Oh nothing, you just look a lot like an old friend." We sat back in our seats and I explained to her how to design her sculptor before she could begin to build.<br>"First, you need to list some of your physical characteristics, some hobbies, and then some things your good at." she nodded and began her work. With in a few minutes, she was tapping on my shoulder.  
>"Like this?" I took her notebook and read what she had written.<br>_Characteristics: Hobbies: Things I'm good :__  
><em>_-blonde -painting. -Writing stories__  
><em>_-quiet -listening to music. -drawing__  
><em>_-green eyes -reading -writing music_  
>Yep, this was most defiantly Sam. I handed her book back.<br>"Yeah, looks good. Now choose one or two from each and incorporate them into a sketch of what your sculptor will look like." I continued my sketch and we fell silent. After a few minutes, I spoke. "So did you move back in with your mean dad? Or are you still with your mom?" She looked at me horrified.  
>"How do you know about my dad? How do you even know they're divorced?" I forced our gazes to lock.<br>"Sam, It's me! Gerard!" the teacher came over to look at my drawing. Sam just looked at me bewildered.  
>"Very good Gerard, and you get 5 points extra credit for helping Sam." She turned the page and on the back wrote "5pts+".When she walked away I grabbed my black colored pencil and circled what the teacher had written. Next to that I scrawled down something I hoped she'd recognize.<br>"I got this for helping my old friend Sam Whitley. Will you be my best friend again Sam?" I slid the book across our desks so she could reply. She read it quickly and then looked up at me, a smile growing. She flung herself at me in a hug.  
>"OH MY GOD GERARD!" We wrapped our arms around each other. Her hair in my face. She smelled like cherries and flowers. When we let go, she began to apologize for not remembering me.<p>

Gerard (narrate):  
>All through art we talked about our lives since we last saw each other. She told me about her friends in Virginia and how horrible middle school had been for her. She told me about the guys who had nearly pushed her to insanity and suicide. It made my blood boil to hear such things. She also told me of here best friend Beth who introduced her to Queen,the Smiths, and The Misfits. She told me about how she learned to play bass. I included that Mikey was dabbling in playing the bass as well. I learned almost everything I didn't know about her to begin with.<p>

**Well, here it is. I hope you all like it and the next chapter will be up within the next few days :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Okay, I'm so sorry guys. I've been really sick lately and honestly my mind has blanked. But here it is CHAPTER 3! I'm actually really surprised that you all loved this so much. I have 65 hits on just 2 chapters. I'm super proud of this and I hope you all enjoy it! :)**

Gerard (Jan 19th 1995):

Mikey found us as we got in line for food.

"Who's this?" He pointed to Sam with his head, his glasses almost falling off the tip of his nose.

"it's Sam Whitley from Elementary school." She waved slightly to a confused Mikey. "She moved away when you went into Kindergarten."

"Oh, Okay. Well nice seeing you again Sam." Mikey called as he branched off to find his friends. Sam and I went to the far corner of the cafeteria and sat at an abandoned table.

"So how'd you end up here instead of Newark again?" I asked pushing greasy pizza into my mouth.

"Oh, I moved back with my dad, who moved here while I was away for work." I nodded in understanding.

"Do you still draw?"

"Yep, although I usually paint now." she pulled up her jacket sleeves to reveal her pale

arms covered in mostly green and black paint.

"Cool, I paint sometimes too." Her face lit up.

"I'm painting scenes on my bedroom walls, wanna help?" I shrugged my shoulders.

"Sure, I'll meet you there like a half hour after school. I gotta drop some stuff off at home first."

~Later~

I walked up to her front door and rang the door bell nervously. Sam's father opened the door and greeted me with a smile.

"Hey Gerard! It's nice to see you again. Sam's in her room." He shook my hand and then pointed to the hallway.

"Nice to see you too sir." I smiled back and he led me into the house and to the hallway.

"Her room is at the end on the right." I turned around and headed that way, but was stricken by all the photos of Sam. Some were with her brother and parents, but some were of her with me. I looked at one picture of us at a school fair. Our arms were wrapped around each others shoulders. Her hair was resting against my arm and brushing my face. We smiled wide and I could see how happy she was.

"Gerard?" I heard her voice call out into the hallway over the music. "Come on! We gotta get to work!"

She waved me into her room and shut the door. Then shuffled into her closet and left me awkwardly standing between her messy bed and her record player. She came out with a large plate and a paintbrush and sat them down on her desk before venturing back into the closet.

"You can just put your coat on the bed." I did as she instructed and looked around her trashed room. Boxes lined one wall and a few empty, broken-down ones were lying on the floor. Her desk had papers skewed all over. A framed picture leaned against the dark wood. It was the star note from second grade. Our scratchy, crayon hand-writing scribbled humungously next to the small gold star. A familiar song began to ring in my ears. Queen never passed by me, especially Under Pressure. Sam reappeared from the closet and began to sing and dance to the steady beat. She motioned me to join her, and I did. Quick movements that might not have been dancing to anyone else, were better than diva walking in front of her. I grabbed her hand and we skated around the wooden floor gracefully. She giggled as golden strands freed themselves from her loose pony tail. She was holding a small bottle of purple paint with the top open while we twirled around. She bumped into me while her eyes were closed and squeezed the bottle, causing purple to splatter randomly on the black wall. A gasp escaped her mouth.

"SHIT! I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO DO THAT!" She looked around the room nervously, trying to figure out how to fix her mistake. As I watched her blissfully panicked, when suddenly a bottle of red paint was shoved into my right hand.

"Okay, we're gonna keep doing that and start writing quotes on the walls instead of scenes." Her voice became serious, but she danced to the wall behind her bed.

Once we were finished, we retreated to her basement with pizza her dad had ordered and soda. We began to talk about starting a band with Mikey. I tried to play some guitar chords, but failed miserably. I caught a glance at the time and realized it was nearly 9 and that my parents would be extremely pissed if I was late for curfew.

"I gotta go Sam, but this was so much fun you have no idea." I put the guitar back on it's stand and began to walk upstairs, Sam not far behind me. At the door she hugged me and thanked me for helping and hanging out with her again. I walked down her front steps and started the short walk back to my house with a bubbly feeling growing inside my abdomen.

Gerard (Narrate)

After that night, Sam and I were almost always together. Either just the two of us, or us and Mikey. We were closer than ever, and I never wanted it to end. Seeing and hanging out with her every day made me extremely happy. We'd go out to watch movies, we would sit and draw each other. Mikey and her were close too, they'd go out and get coffee sometimes, or go to the comic store. It was funny, Mikey had once said he was going to ask her out on an actual date, but then he said that he realized how weird it would be that his girlfriend was always at his house to hang out with his brother. She sat next to me while he joked about them dating. I still don't know if Mikey ever had feelings for her, but he made it very clear that if he did, it wasn't a very strong feeling. Her and I used to joke that we were married when we were little, even as teenagers, the game seemed just as fun.

Gerard (January 29th 1995)

"Darling? Oh I'm so glad you're home. I've missed you oh so much!" She giggled, hugging me dramatically.

"Is that so?" I raised my eyebrow and put one hand on her back, the other took her hand as we danced. She laughed harder as I spun her around.

"Oh Gerard, why can't it always be this way? The lovely feeling I get when I see you." Her fake, 50's wife voice had faded and she almost sounded serious. She smiled at me and we sat down on my bed. I played along in case she was still acting, but also in case she was for real.

"It can always be this way Sam. I love you with all my heart and I always will." Her eyes got big.

"What?" Yep, acting. Know it.

"We are still pretending right?" I half smiled, her expression didn't change.

"Yeah, of course." Her voice trailed off. "I should be getting home. Bye Gee, see you tomorrow." She quickly grabbed her backpack and left the room without another sound.

~Next Day At School~

Sam pretty much avoided me, she even ditched me at lunch. She went and sat with Mikey. I can sorta understand, yesterday was a bit awkward. What really caught me off guard was her talking to the asshole from my history class. His name was Anthony and he had always been nothing but a douche to Mikey and I. Now here he is in the hallway FUCKING KISSING HER! If I was stupid enough to go beat the shit out of him believe me, he'd already be on the ground.

**Alrighty then. My mind has blanked from here. Any suggestions as to what happens would be lovely. Also, reviews as to parts you did or didn't like would be appreciated. I have all my finals this week, so depending on those, and whenever my brain decides it wants to continue this, It might be up by next week ;) **


	4. Chapter 4

**Haha, okay. I know all this is going by really fast, but my stories are just like that...chapt4 and shit goes down...well this should b a short story alltogether :/**

Gerard (February 15th 1995)

Having to see her with him all the time made me die a little inside. They'd been dating for nearly 4 weeks and I began to see her less and less. It tore me apart. One day Sam had confided in me something I never wanted to hear. She had been acting strangely and was almost avoiding Anthony.

"Gerard, you're my best friend and I know you won't judge me." She pulled me into an abandoned stairwell. Tears brimmed her puffy eyes.

"No, I'd never judge you. What happened?" She sniffed and wiped a tear off her cheek.

"Last weekend, I went over to Anthony's house and we had a few drinks." That made me uneasy, Sam was never into underage drinking. "Then he talked me into trying some pills and they made everything crazy." Drugs. What the fuck was this guy's deal?

"Did you really take them?" She shook her head vigorously.

"No, he shoved a few into my mouth and then poured beer down my throat. I had to swallow Gee!" She hugged me, burying her head into my jacket shoulder. I leaned my head on hers, rubbing her shoulder blades, offering comfort.

"Did you end it?" She looked up at me and nodded. I wrapped her back in a hug.

"Well It's all right now. You're safe and sound." I felt my heart pound and then realized she was extremely warm.

I went home that evening in a rage. I walked in and slammed the door, Mikey walked out from the kitchen with a sandwich in hand.

"Hey Gerard!" I hadn't expected him to be there.

"Why are you home so early?" He shrugged, taking a bite of his lunch.

"Head ache. What's with you, you seem pissed off?"I dropped my back pack on a chair in the kitchen.

"Sam told me today that that dick head Anthony forced her to drink and take drugs. He shoved the fucking pills down her throat!" I sat down and lay my head in my hands, allowing my hair to fall freely. Mikey placed his hand on my shoulder.

"Man, what happened happened. All you can do now is make her feel better." I groaned.

"But I want to kill him! He can't just do that to somebody. To a woman for gods sakes!" I lifted my head, Mikey had left the kitchen, his sandwich was half eaten and sitting on the table. What I had said hit me. Sam is a woman. We aren't kids anymore. The pure reality of the matter felt like a kick in the face. Retreating to my basement-bedroom, I found myself contemplating what I was going to do with my life. It seems that 10 years have passed by so quickly. What will happen to me in the next 5? what will happen to Sam? Or Mikey? Art! It is, was and always have been my greatest passion. Besides music, which is pretty much hopeless considering I can't play anything to save my life. I flopped onto my bed. What kind of art? I guess just illustrations for now. Comics or something. Up the stairs I went to tell Mikey of my decision.

"Hey Mikes? Guess what?" I smiled. He had a mouth full of food and just kinda mumbled. "I finally know what I'm most likely doing with my life!" I raised my hands in excitement. He swallowed and smiled back. "I'm gonna go over to Sam's and tell her too!"

He pulled on my jacket sleeve.

"Don't forget to tell her the truth." He had gone into teasing brother mode and it had caught my attention.

"Tell her the truth about what?"

"That you like her. That you REALLY like her. I can read your face like a book dude. Like a book for 5 year olds." My face went blank and the color rushed down my neck. I did. Damn why was he always right?

"Fine whatever. I'll tell her." He pointed his finger to my head.

"HA! Knew it. Go on love bird!" I flew out the door and down the street. The same phrase repeating and repeating in my mind like a broken, poetic record player. _I like Sam like I could like no one else._ I wasn't admitting to love. That would make me weak in some ways. But when I saw her in her faded jeans and paint splattered Iron Maiden shirt, like was not the word that wanted to be spoken. We went inside and into her room. Random music played as I told her about my future career. Then she revealed something that made my stomach turn.

"Gerard, I feel bad that I didn't tell you earlier. But, uh..." She paused and closed her eyes, taking in a deep breath. "When Anthony drugged me, he uh also...He basically raped me." She turned her head away. I felt my eyes turn into saucers.

"The fucker did that to you?" She nodded and I closed my eyes tightly, trying to regain my composure. Within seconds I felt moist skin on my lips. I opened my eyes and Sam was right in front of me. Our lips pressed together like a puzzle. She leaned back and blushed.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have done that." I didn't say anything. My mind went blank. All I could think was: _Fuck, I don't just like her. I love her so much._

"D-don't be sorry." My voice cracked. "I like you too." I smiled and grabbed her hand.

**Like? Hate? Wanna let me know? Yeah I know you do ;) but all honesty, I want you guys to review and shtuffs on what could be better and what is already kick ass awesome. Next chapt up soon ~ **


	5. Chapter 5

**Heyo ^_^ Ok, this chapter is a bit morbid, but I felt that this was something that is important to the story. Next chapter soon because besides school I'm pretty much house bound :/**

Gerard (Narrate):

I guess you could say that we were officially dating at this point, though we only ever held hands. After what Anthony had done to her, normal, everyday, physical interaction was phasing. A pat on the shoulder, an elbow accidentally being pushed against the fabric of her jacket. She flinched over everything. She really started to worry me when she became more distant, spending more time alone in her room, skipping lunch to sit in an abandoned hallway, even ignoring the phone when I tried to call her house. I knew how she felt about me, she'd admitted it in a kiss. The first of few that we share before she left. One day I found her on the bathroom floor of her house, nearly unconscious.

Gerard (March 3rd 1995):

"Sam?" my voice rang through her small living room. Her dad was on a business trip and wouldn't return for a few more days. She called my house in sobs. Mikey answered the phone, but handed it to me once he realized she was crying. I couldn't understand her, but I knew that if she was crying, it was my responsibility as her friend to comfort her.

I turned the corner into the narrow hallway, Sam's sobs softly filling my ears, just as they had when we were young. "Sam? What's wrong? Where are you?" I walked into the bathroom, her face was extremely pale despite the sweat, tears and blood that speckled her complexion. Her body lay limp on the floor, one wrist over the bathtub's edge, the other on her shirt, blood quickly seeping through her tank top. Her eyes were open and also far away, as if she knew I was there, but didn't know who I was. Tears stung in my eyes as I gaped at her. Fuck. She was dying. I moved towards the door, but took a look back towards her. The wrist that was originally on her stomach was now in the air a few inches from her hip. She as begging me not to leave in silence.

"I'll be right back, I promise. I love you." Now the rivers flowed down my cheeks. My breath became even more unsteady as I reached for the phone. I called the emergency number engraved into my brain and quickly told the man on the other line that my girlfriend was dying.

"Okay sir, just stay with her. Try to stop the bleeding and don't let her pass out. The ambulance will be there shortly." I went back to her with bandages I found in the medicine cabinet. I brought her a glass of water and wrapped her wrists up tightly, holding each one firmly as she writhed in pain. She looked at me, wells in her eyes, words just barely escaping her mouth.

"Gerard, I'm so sorry. My dad had me on anti-depressants that made everything shitty." I didn't question her depression. I didn't even care that she wasn't happy with me. I just wanted her to be okay.

I tried to keep her awake, doing everything I could to keep her overflowing eyes open. But when the paramedics arrived and pushed me away, I saw her them slowly close, as if she was giving in to death. I rode with her in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. They wouldn't let me near her head so I held on tightly to her ankle. Crying like a lost child, I begged for her to live. I don't know who I was begging. God, the medics, the universe, her? I didn't care. I just couldn't loose her. Not again.

They allowed me to stay in the room with her while they stitched her wrists back together. The sight of the needles puncturing her skin made chills run down my spine. My stomach flipped when they stuck her arm with an I.V. Red liquid slowly moved down the narrow tube and into her veins. I nearly vomited, but I knew I couldn't turn away from her.

"Young man, are you alright?" A nurse old enough to be my mother put her hand on my shoulder. I nodded.

"Is she going to be?" She smiled weakly.

"Yes she'll be fine, but we need to keep her for a few days. Suicide watch. She'll be out for a while if you want to call someone." I followed her out the door and across the hall to the nurse's station. I called my home number hoping somebody would pick up.

"Hello?" Mikey asked worryingly.

"Mikey, how quickly can you get to the emergency room?" He paused for a moment and I could hear our dad in the background.

"Give me like 20 minutes, but Gerard, why are we going to the hospital?" I leaned my elbow on the counter, resting my temple in my hands. This was unreal, it all felt like a hazy dream.

"Sam, she uh, got cut real bad. I just need you here, they've got her stuck with...with needles."

"Alright, we're out the door." He hung up and I walked back to Sam's room. I sat in a chair on the right side of her bed, pushing strands of hair out of her face. The hanging bag of blood was now nearly half empty and her breathing had become more steady. I stopped crying, but my heart still pounded as I tried to imagine the pain she was in.

After about a half hour, Mikey knocked on the door, causing me to flinch.

"What happened?" He took a chair on the opposing side of Sam's bed. I hadn't told him or anybody else that Anthony had abused her. I thought of it as a secret or an invasion of her privacy.

"Anthony raped her while she was doped out and she got a little jumpy and depressed. Her dad put her on antidepressants and they just made her worse. Today she couldn't take it anymore. Just split her wrists right open. When she called, I rushed over there and called 9-1-1." I decided to leave out the part where I cried like a blubbering baby.

"That's harsh. Is she okay though? She gonna live?" Her rubbed her index finger, trying to comfort her in any way he could.

"Yeah, she'll be fine, but she's on suicide watch." He nodded, avoiding my gaze. I didn't blame him, I probably looked like shit.

"You'd think trying once and regretting it would be big enough sign that she won't try again." He sort of giggled, obviously mocking the hospital system.

"How do you know she regrets doing it?" He let go of her hand and stood, straightening his jacket and glasses.

"She called you, she wanted you with her. She loves you, even if she's severely depressed, she loves you and wouldn't want you to see her like that for the last time. She didn't want to die that way. A bit late to realize it though." Mikey highly underestimated his intelligence. "I'm going to go get coffee Dad's out in the waiting room if you need him.." Mikey exited the room and I pulled out a comic book from the bag he'd left behind.

Gerard (Narrate):

They kept her there a total of 4 days. I spent all the time I could there, even after her dad arrived on the 3rd day. They wouldn't let me stay nights with her and my mom made me continue school. She didn't initially wake up until the morning of the second day. God, she was so pale and scared. I'll never forget how terrified she was when she looked at me that morning. Shear horror spilled from her eyes when she realized why she was there. It broke my heart to see her that way, but I was so excited that she was going to be fine. I brought her some tapes, board games and her bass. She pretty much occupied herself with writing and books though. After she was admitted from the hospital, we became closer. She always was closer to me and she kissed me far more often. About 3 weeks after the incident, my birthday arrived, with more surprises than I would have liked. One that I'd never forget.

**Love? Hate? Did you cry? I did. Lolz, I wrote this on paper at first in History and began crying so much. Worst part, the guy I like was sitting mot far from me and he was like "The fuck?". Well. There backstory! Review what you liked or disliked pwease?**


	6. Chapter 6

_**WARNING:**_** Very graphic sex scene. **

Gerard (April 9th 1995)

My birthday was never something too special. A few friends, cake, presents. But this year I was turning 18, my life unfolding before me. My mother cried softly as she brought out a round, white frosted cake with blue trimmings and red writing. Everyone began to sing cheerfully. 18 little white candles lined the rim of the cake, glistening with flames. My wish floated in my head as I drew a breath. I wish my life could say just like this, forever. Not that it could come true, but I hoped it could be fulfilled to some extent. I released the air, causing each candle to sputter and go out. Mikey, my parents, my Grandma, and a few not-so-close friends clapped. The only one who wasn't was the one pressing themselves against my lips. Sam had her arms wrapped around my neck, holding on to me longer than appropriate for a congratulations kiss. My mother awed, wiping away yet another happy tear and my dad patted my back after Sam had relinquished her hold on my face. This was it. I feel free and open-minded. The world is my fucking blank canvas!

Everybody greedily got a piece of cake and wondered of to the either the dinning room, the living room or the kitchen, where I sat with Mikey and his friend Eric.

"No dude I'm telling you she's fucking crazy! She gives me shitty grades for no reason!" Mikey shook his head.

"No, you just don't do any of the work! I have a B in her class! Plus it doesn't help that you use the homework as a pass to the bathroom. Especially when you don't come back." What a pointless conversation. I knew Eric wasn't the brightest kid and did get poor grades, but why would he blame the teacher when he was being a dumb fuck?

"Oh how cute! I didn't know he had a blankie." Sam giggled from the living room. I turned slightly to see her sitting on the couch with Grandma. They were looking through a photo album of me that my mom oh so kindly put out for people to coo over. I also saw Sam's navy blue duffel bag near the basement stairs. Mikey must have forgotten to take it down to the guest room. She was staying with us for a few days while her dad was in New York for business. After the incident a few weeks ago he didn't like her home alone. He wasn't particularly thrilled about her staying with me, but it was the best choice short of her going into the city with him.

I got up and cleared my plate, leaving the two to argue. Her bag was heavier than I expected and threw me off balance as I practically dragged it downstairs. I put it in the room across from mine and went back upstairs to sit with Sam and my Grandma. "Gerard, you have a good girl here. Don't ever hurt her." Both women smiled. It was good that they liked her. Life and my decisions would be easier with that as an ally.

That night, Sam and I sat in my room, music playing loudly.

"I'm not supposed to be in your room at night while I'm staying here." I laughed, going to my closet for a shirt for her to wear to bed.

"Oh why not?" I tossed her a black t-shirt I usually slept in.

"Because, they don't want us to do anything. We are dating after all." She lowered her voice, pulling me closer to the bed. We both sat and she kissed me seductively, unlike she had before. She pulled off her gray shirt to reveal her pale stomach and a blue and purple polka-dotted bra. She began to lean into me, kissing me again. I backed away a bit.

"Are you sure you're okay with this?" It hadn't even been two months since Anthony attacked her, and I didn't want her to do anything she didn't want to do.

"Yeah, I am. I love you Gerard. More than anything in the world. I'll never love anything or anyone as much as I love you." With that, she pulled me down on top of her. My heart pounded against the inside of my chest, blood pumping throughout my naked body. Our mouths poured sparks and passion, more and more aggressive as seconds passed. She moaned every so often, only making me more eager. Suddenly she pulled away from my face.

"I'm ready." Something cinched in my mind.

"I don't have a condom though." She giggled at my innocence.

"I have a schedule I keep. It's okay today." Naive to what she was talking about, I guessed it was a form of pill. We kissed again, his time though, she opened her legs and I gained entry.

"Am I hurting you?" I asked worried after a minute.

"No- Keep going." So we kept at it. Heat from my body transferring into hers. After a few, unnoticed minutes, pure pleasure surged through me, causing me to groan loudly. Sam gripped he comforter tightly as she gasped. The almost electric surge continued to grow until I had no feeling in my face. A sensation I had never felt before. The surge was unbearably intense and in a gushed outward feeling that I quickly compared to vomiting, the pleasure was over. I regained feeling in my face again and I realized my eyes had been closed. I opened them to make sure this wasn't a dream. It most definatly wasn't. Sam lay underneath me, hair skewed around her scarlet face.

"I love you Sam." I smiled, leaned down and kissed her softly.

"I love you too Gerard."

Too soon, she dressed and returned to her room. She couldn't stay with me or my parents would flip the fuck out and tell her dad. She took the shirt I gave her, but left the one she had on. I picked it up and threw it into a pile of clothes I ad going in my closet. After I put on pants, I laid down in the dark and let my brain replay what just happened. It wasn't slutty of her was it? No, she loved me and for the both of us it was a way of expressing love to each other. We loved each other. That's when teachers and parents tell you to do this. "Sex is when two people who love each other very much kiss in bed." It's what my mother had told me when I was nine, except I knew now what sex actually was. Obviously more than just the intimacy of kissing. I drifted off, smelling love in the air. Funny how much love smelled like cherries and flowers.

Gerard (Narrate)

In the weeks following my birthday, Sam and I were inseparable. She kissed me more often and we were both a lot happier than we had been in a long time. But a few days before her birthday, she went home sick, complaining of back and stomach pain. She didn't go back to school and that's when I began to worry.

Gerard (April 2nd 1995)

The phone ringed in my ear. I silently begged for her to pick up.

"Hello?" She sounded upset.

"Hey, you okay?"

"Yeah. I was just tired, I took a nap and the stomach pains went away."

"What about your back? Did you hurt it or something?"

"No, I went to the doctor's earlier and he said to just rest for a while."

"Oh okay. But hey, guess what?" She sighed. She didn't sound in the mood to talk, but I continued.

"I got accepted into Art School! I start in the fall! How awesome is that! I'm getting my life on track!"

"That's amazing, but Gee I really have to go, the stomach ache is back and I'm gonna go to bed. I love you. So much."

"Uh, okay. I love you too Sam. Get better." The pains in her abdomen must have been unbearable because when she hung up, I swear I heard a sob.

**Told you it was short and sweet, but it's actually quite crucial to the story. Reviews? Please?**


	7. Chapter 7

**Holy shit guys, sorry it's been a while DX I've been sick and school's a bitch and just emotional and friend drama. Ignore my ranting and enjoy the chapter.**

Gerard (Narrate)

A week and a half passed and I hadn't seen her. She wasn't in school and nobody answered the phone when I called. It worried me, but I figured she just needed some space. That's what my dad told me was wrong at least. I tried to ask Mikey if he'd heard from her, as they sometimes hung out, but he always avoided the subject. When her birthday arrived and I hadn't heard from her still, I decided to go over to her house.

Gerard (April 25th 1995)

"Where you going hon'?" My mother asked innocently while cooking what looked like pasta sauce.

"I'm going over to Sam's for her birthday." I clutched a bouquet of roses in one hand and a folder in the other.

"Alright, well, be home before 10."

On the short walk there, my brain reeled with what might be wrong with her. The worst of them floating to the top of my thoughts. It wasn't like Sam to just flake out of school like that and not tell me. Something had to be wrong.

When I reached her house, my hands had gone clammy and my insides felt hollow, like I was preparing for bad news before I actually knew it. I quickly approached the door and knocked. Mr. Whitley answered the door.

"Can I help you?" He used a tone of disgust.

"I was wondering if I could see Sam. I have her birthday presents." I squeamishly held out the flowers and the folder.

"I hate to tell you son, but she's gone back to Virginia to live with her mom." My heart dropped. "But you can go see her room if you want I guess." He stepped aside, allowing me to walk in.

I walked in her room; it was empty except the stripped furniture. Her iron bed only had a grungy mattress, her desk was bare. The dark closet had no clothes hanging and the posters that were once skewed around had disappeared. The only thing that indicated recent inhabitants of a teenage girl were the quotes and splats. I laid the gifts on the bed and walked to the wall opposite the door. A new quote had been scribbled near the window in white chalk.

_Sometimes people leave the ones they love._

_Not because they want to, _

_But because it is what must be done_

_So that life is better for both._

I didn't recognize it, nor did I know if it was meant for me to read; but I hoped it was. Tears began to build in my eyes. Everything was gone, she was gone. I choked down the tears as I picked up the gifts again. Showing weakness in front of Sam's dad was never a smart move. When I walked out into the main living area, Mr. Whitley was sitting on the couch.

"Sir, I was wondering if I could have the phone number of where she's staying." He stood and came over to me, rage irradiating from each step he took. He stopped just in front of me and then lowered his head so it was only an inch or two from mine.

"If she hasn't already given it to you, I'm not going to give it to you now. You don't even deserve it. It's your fault she left." His words felt like stabs the heart with a poison soaked and white hot dagger. "Now get the hell out of my house!" he pushed and shoved me out the door, not caring if I got hurt. Once I was on the front steps, he slammed the door in my face, causing me to stumble backwards and fall. I began walking home, my scrapped and bloody arms stinging. I took each step forward as slowly as possible, reality making me sluggish. Within a half hour I was home, the smell of dinner still lingered in the air even though it had been an hour since they'd finished.

"Hey, how's Sam?" My dad asked cheerily when I shut the front door.

"She moved to Virginia a week ago." I didn't bother to stop and chat, heading straight to my room. I turned on my stereo and put in a random tape, Black Flag probably. I was going to lie on my bed, but opted out, suddenly remembering my birthday. So I trudged to my desk, pulling out the painting I'd done for Sam. It was an ocean scene with storm clouds in the distance, lightning sparked outward. She loved the ocean and storms. I wish I could have given it to her. It defiantly wasn't a very good piece, but she would have enjoyed it. On the backboard of my desk was a picture of the two of us when we were going to go see The Rocky Horror Picture Show at midnight. She dressed normally, but wore more eye make-up than usual. The purple made her eyes seem more green than usual. That was just a few days before my birthday. I was sure then that I loved her. Absolutely positive.

I went to my closet and pulled down the cardboard box where my mom kept all my assignments and drawings from elementary school. I flipped through papers for a few minutes until I found what I was looking for. A crayon drawing of the two of us playing soccer that Sam had drawn. I collapsed to the floor, tears falling freely. I hadn't turned on any lights, so darkness surrounded me. I didn't mind it though; it felt like a thick blanket to hide me from an unforgiving world. I buried my head in a pile of clothes I meant to wash. My tears now had soaked the grey cloth beneath my cheek bone. I sniffed hard from lack of oxygen and smelled cherries. I picked up the shirt, now with a few wet blotches, and examined it. The shirt that Sam had worn on my birthday, the shirt she had torn off and thrown. An dark gray, faded shirt with purple fabric painted words on the front and back.

"_What's your shirt say?" I chuckled, confused._

"_It's a reference to Edgar Allen Poe. I was in a literary club in Virginia and we made these." She pulled the fabric away from her body so I could read it._

_**No officers, I haven't seen him all day….**_

_She turned around._

_**Thump, thump, thump…..**_

"_What's it from?"_

"_Edgar Allen Poe wrote a story right before he went really insane where he killed his roommate. Police came to investigate a noise complaint and he got all nervous. He said he could still hear the hear beat of his roommate's stone cold heart. Not being able to stand the fictional pounding, he broke down, confessing the murder. But it's all a story, he never really killed anybody." She laughed despite the gruesome story. _

I sobbed louder, clutching the shirt in y hand as if it were as fragile as glass and as valuable as diamonds. Sam was my best friend. In and out of my life with ease, barely a whisper was left behind. I felt something poke my hip as I coward in the corner. In my pocket was a small velvet box. One more present Sam wouldn't receive. I chucked it out into my room, frustrated in myself. It felt as if my insides were imploding and being frozen all at the same time, but pain none the less. A small sliver of light beamed into my room, a figure blocking the path of light for a moment. No doubt looking for me, the figure glanced around my room before shutting the door. In the dim light I saw the thing frame of Mikey lock his eyes on the closet, he'd spotted me. He walked over and sat next to me in the small space, causing it to become more crowded than before. We sat in silence for a while while I sobbed.

"What's this?" he held up the box I had thrown.

"A ring, Mikey. A stupid, pitiful fucking ring." I snatched it from his hands.

"You were going to propose to her weren't you?" I leaned my head on his shoulder and nodded.

"I love her Mikey, more than anything in the world. I would do anything for her." I made sure not to use anything that implied past tense. I cried harder, pain in my abdomen now almost unbearable. Mikey sighed and gently pushed me off his shoulder.

"Gerard, do you want to know why Sam left?" My heart stopped. He knows?

**Well alrighty...sorry for such a depressing chapter for Valentines day guys, I meant to put this up a few days ago and then have a happier one up for National Day of Love, but it didn't work out. Heart break, still within Valentine's Day range right? IDEK. Review every one. It means so much to me ^_^**


	8. Chapter 8

**HEYO! Sorry its been so long...alot of shit has been going down...nobody guessed why Sam left...so that was no fun...whatever...enjoy the chapt**

Gerard (April 25th 1995)

"Gerard, do you want to know why Sam left?" I gaped at him in the dark.

"Yeah!" My voice shook, an unsuccessful attempt at remaining calm.

"Well, she's pregnant."

No fucking way. Not disbelief, shock. Especially at the fact that she didn't tell me. Unless there wasn't a reason to tell me.

"Does she know who's kid it is?" I grabbed his shoulders, pausing my tears. Mikey sighed disappointed.

"Anthony's. She's positive." I let go of him, letting the tears fall freely again and leaned against the wall. Mikey placed a gentle hand on my shoulder.

"Gerard, I'm sorry-"

"Just go away." I whispered. "Just leave."

He left me in the darkness after a few moments.

It made perfect sense. I don't understand exactly how, but it did. Like a math problem you can't solve, but can answer correctly by just observing it. No explanations, but just the outcome.

I cried harder now, pains inside me growing. A baby that isn't mine growing inside her. It fucking sucked. She was ripped from my life once, and that stung. This time, it felt as if I were actually going to die. Death waited outside my door, waiting for me to stop being a wuss. But no, masculinity and pride and dignity, none of it lived in my cramped closet with me. Only shame, disappointment and sorrow took residence.

I fell asleep in the closet, my head leaning against the cold wall. While I slept, I drempt of what our lives would have been if Sam had stayed and if it was my baby. Clips of our lives blurring in and out of my subconscious mind.

_Sam and I sitting in a hospital room holding a small bundle of blankets. Her glittery eyes beamed at me through the sweat drenched strands of hair in her face. A little face looked at me confused and curious, unaware of who we are._

_Sam sleeping on the couch, holding a small infant and a half-full bottle of formula. I carefully take the baby and bottle from her arms and allow her to comfortably lay down. Only 8 in the afternoon and she was exhausted from the day._

_Sam and I standing at a podium. Mikey holding a baby sitting in the front row to the left next to our parents. Sam's parents and best friend on the opposite side, her mother crying frantically. Us two gazing into each other longingly while a priest speaks solemnly._

_Sam sobbing softly when we see a yellow school bus approach the corner. A little girl with blonde hair skipping around excitingly. "Goodbye Mommy! Goodbye Daddy! I'll see you later," Called the girl from a window. Sam hugged me as it pulled away._

_Sam stood over an iced cake, placing pink candles around randomly. I could now see the dark rings around her eyelids again. "Happy Birthday" read the icing neatly. The little girl, who was now about 10, bobbed into the kitchen._

_Sam sat next to the girl at a wooden table. The girl looked about 13 and was chewing on her yellow pencil nervously. "Gerard," Sam called. "We need some help with this, I can't figure it out." I walked over and examined the seemingly difficult problem._

_Sam held a camera up as a flash went off, startling me. The girl stood at the bottom of the staircase in a medium length, gray and silver dress. She smiled when a knock came to the door. A young man about 16 or 17 asked politely to enter. _

I woke suddenly to the sound of someone pounding on the door.

"Gerard, you have school today. Get up!" I burst open the door and launched myself at my mom. "Hon'? What's wrong?" We sat on my bed and I continued to hug her while I cried like a child.

"I love her mom; now she's gone and I'll probably never see her again. She's pregnant with a monster's child and I was going to marry her mom." She rubbed my back reassuringly.

"Come on hon' lets go gt some coffee so you can take your meds."

By "meds", she meant my depression pills. They aren't necessarily the best things for my mentality, but they would at least help numb the pain.

**There you go guys. Hope you liked it. Please review. You all have no idea how excited I get when I see that someone's reviewed...no joke. But, uh, yeah. Hopefully I'l have the next chapter up by friday.**


	9. Chapter 9

**HOLY SHIT GUYS! I LOVE YOU ALL! OVER 500 HITS! So excited. THANK YOUALL SO MUCH YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THIS MEANS TO ME!**

Gerard May 15th 1995:

"Gerard, your grades have taken a huge dive in the past few weeks. You went from a high B to a D. Is everything alright dear?" I nodded, trying to patronize my teacher.

"Yeah, I'm alright, just ready for school to be over."

"Well, okay, but remember if you need to, you an talk to me9." I faked a smile.

"I'm okay, but thank you Mrs. Jones."

This was just another of the teacher speeches I've been receiving ever since Sam left. I don't care about high school anymore, exams end next week and I'm already in Art School. I just wish it'd end, then people would stop harassing me.

Obviously, word that Sam is pregnant spread around school, but the addition of her leaving left an even bigger window for people to talk about us.

I walked down the hall towards the Art wing when I passed a group of giggling girls.

"Where's your whore now Gerid!" one of them called. I spun on my heels.

"If your going to insult me and the woman I love, at least know how to pronounce my name." I then turned to go upstairs to class, but took a left turn out the main entrance instead.

"Hi, how can I help you?" a woman sitting behind the desk said sluggishly.

"I'm here to see Dr. Bernard. My name's Gerard Way." She didn't take her gaze off the computer screen.

"Alright, sign in and head back. To the left, room 154B."

I followed her directions and found a young woman sitting sideways in a recliner, filling in what looked like a crossword.

"Hello? Is the Therapist going to be back soon, I need to talk to her." She jumped up in excitement.

"Oh, Hi! I'm Dr. Bernard. New therapist. Sorry, I don't see many patients." We shook hands.

"I'm Gerard Way. Sorry to scare you. I just didn't expect you to be the therapist." She shut the door and walked back to the recliner, sitting in it properly now.

"No, it's alright. I'm fresh out of med school so it happens a lot." She pulled her red, bobbed hair in a short ponytail.

"So, Gerard, tell me what's up."

"Well, it started when I was a little kid, I had one really close friend, Sam Whitley, who moved after only a year and a half of me knowing her. Then she moved back here in late January. We were good friends again, but I kinda found myself crushing on her. Then she began dating … this guy, who drugged and raped her."

"Damn." Her mouth opened awkwardly. "Um, I mean...sorry. That must have been difficult to go through." Wow, great advise.

"Yeah, it tore me apart. But she did break off the relationship with him and then we started dating. We made it open and obvious that we love each other and on my birthday, she proved it."

"You had sex?" She interrupted, but used a tone with more factually than curious. I nodded, embarrassed. "Then what happened emotionally to your relationship?"

"We were fine for about two weeks, then Sam was just distant. She wasn't at school as much and usually claimed to be sick. She didn't even answer my calls. On her birthday near the end of April, I decided to go over to her house to surprise her, but.." Tears welled in my eyes remembering. "She was gone. Her dad said she went back to Virginia to live with her mom. That it was my fault she left.. I went home and cried for hours. Just, the feeling of dead nothing inside. Mikey, my younger brother, came in to talk to me and informed me that Sam is pregnant. Only the kid was from when she was raped."

The therapist's eyes got wide. "Holy shit."

Gerard (Narrate) :

Dr. Bernard prescribed me severe antidepressants and they helped for the mot parts. Numbing away what Sam and split in two. I began Art School in New York that fall. I'd made some friends there and was, for the most part, happy. One day, about two years later when I came home from class, Mikey was picking through the mail and handed me a sealed envelope.

Gerard (October 7th 1997):

"Here, this has your name on it." Mikey tossed a white envelope across the seat cushions of the couch. I gaped at the address and the sender. It was from Sam, clear as day.

_Samantha Whitley._

_New York City, New York._

She's in the city?

I nearly hit Mikey in the face trying to pry the glue apart. I quickly read the scrawled hand writing, then again slower.

"_Gerard, Please know that I never wanted to leave you. I love you. But this is your dream. To draw and write. I couldn't let you give all that up for a baby. I'll be in contact every few months...so let me know when your life's in order. And don't tell me it is now. Babe, I know it isn't. You're still in school, and Mikey's not even out of high school. Honey, I love you, go finish school, get an amazingly fun job as a cartoonist, make a fun life for yourself. Hopefully we'll get to see you in the next few years."_

By the time I'd finished reading the note over again, Mikey'd left the room. I quickly grabbed my coat and headed back to my car where I drove swiftly into the city.

When I had reached the address on the envelope, I quickly became annoyed with a small moving truck blocking the curb spots. Thankfully, it didn't take long to move.

I ran up the stairs and had finally reached Sam's door. I knocked and waited a moment, adrenaline

pumping through my body.

After a minute or so, I hadn't been invited in, so I knocked again. Still waiting, a man from the next apartment walked by me.

"Won't do you any good knocking boy." He was easily older than my dad, but had a sort of stern kindness to him.

"Why's that?"

"Oh, Miss Whitley and her daughter just finished packing everything up about 15 minutes ago. Could've sworn I heard the truck leave already. Sorry young man."

Regret pulsated through my brain, causing my stomach to churn. She was right there. She was so close. I was annoyed with her shitty exiting skills. Bored with waiting on the nobody in the truck that was actually the love of my life.

I had just let her slip through my hands again.

**Hope you all loved it. Okay, so I have an idea for how the story goes. So obviously the first ten chapters will be in Gerard's POV. Btut I was thinking that the next ten be in Sam's POV. Just how she sees things after she leaves Gerard. Give me your thoughts my lovely readers. PLEASE?**


	10. Chapter 10

**Ok, so sorry it's been so long. I've been sick and drama between friends and bad school situation and my birthday (so many excuses just like every chapter.) What ever. Please enjoy, sorry it's a bit morbid, but it's just the theme of all this.**

Gerard (Narrate)

I decided to take Sam's advice. I finished Art School and began working at Cartoon Network. It wasn't nearly what I thought it'd be. Depression kept a thin loom over me, but never consumed too much. All in all, my life wasn't what I wanted it to be. Even what I wanted it to be before Sam came back.

September 11th seemed like a normal day. Driving into the city for another day of mindless work. But the smoke that pillowed proved otherwise.

Gerard (September 11th 2001)

My car stopped once again. The traffic today is worse than I've ever seen. I checked my watch again. 9:15. I'm already late and I'm not even close. I was still only on the street looking at the World Trade Center. I looked up to be sure and was horrified at what I saw. Black smoke puffed out each building. People seemed to be flying away from the burning windows stories high. A woman screamed just outside my window and It broke me of my trance and into the chaos on my own floor. I opened the door and saw hollow cars around me. People on the phone, people crying, people laughing, people proposing, people fighting. People making decisions they should have made or would regret making.

Among me observing reactions, I spotted a woman with long, wavy, golden hair. She wasn't thin, but not overweight either. He hand was attached to a small girl's. The girl had curly black hair that swirled around the pale eyes that were darting in my direction. The woman turned to the girl, crying now. I caught her glimpse of her face. It was unmistakable. Sam was standing there. Next to her daughter.

"Sam!" I called towards her. She quickly faced my direction. Another woman screamed and a light pole began to teeter. Sam's face contorted into confusion as if she was trying to recognize me. The pole continued to sway, leaning more toward Sam's direction.

"SAM!" I called again, sprinting to her now. The pole flew at her slowly. I picked up the girl in one hand and in the other, I grabbed hold of Sam's waist. The girl fussed and hit my shoulder repeatedly. While she spazzed, Sam slipped from my grip and right into the path of the metal rod.

I put the girl down and dropped to my knees.

"Help! HELP!" I hollered into the crowd. The girl had crawled to her mother's head and was talking to her.

"Mommy? Please don't die Mommy." I turned to her and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"I promise you that she'll be okay."

"Who are you?" She sniffled.

"I'm Gerard Way I'll make sure she doesn't get hurt anymore."

I tried to pry the heavy metal off her and succeed as a medic walked up to the scene.

"Sir, I have some room in my ambulance. Has she lost a lot of blood?"

"No, just a few cuts, but her chest was crushed." He began to lift her onto a cot.

"Alright, is this the little one?" He smiled weakly to the sobbing girl.

"Oh, um. No she's not mine. The woman that was hurt is her mother." He nodded.

"Come on sweetheart, we're going to take your Mommy to the hospital. Okay?" Teary eyed, she grabbed the paramedic's hand .

They left, swerving between the abandoned cars and distressed people. I turned to my own vehicle, but realized that that there's no way I'd be able to actually get anywhere.

"The hospital couldn't be too far away. A few blocks max." I said out loud.

I began to sprint in the direction the ambulance took off in and followed others along the way.

I underestimated my own judgment. The hospital was a lot farther than I planned and was extremely crowded. People had occupied any space they could in the rather large waiting room. Some had even populated the side walk by the entrance. A line had formed in front of the information desk. I joined them, impatiently waiting my turn.

After a while, I was head of the line. Standing at the desk, a woman who looked exhausted looked at me, her rose colored glasses falling on the bridge of her nose.

"I'm here to see Samantha Whitley." I stated. She returned her gaze to the computer and typed slowly.

"Floor 6, hallway in front of room 273."

"She's in a hallway?" I spat.

"We're extremely over crowded sir."

I walked towards the elevator without replying. Finding the 6th floor was easy enough, but maneuvering my through the ways of injured people proved to be a difficult task. Burns, severed limbs, blood, and the tears of loved ones surrounded me.

"SAM?" I called into the hallway. Multiple people gave a me a moment of their time, but none were her. Down another hallway I called again. This time, I didn't get a reply of an form, but continued none the less. Room 273 came into view and opposite it was a bed here a woman was lying with a small girl lying along side her.

"Gerard?" She whispered angerly. "What are you doing here?"

"Making sure you're okay."

"I'm fine. Just a few broken ribs and a head-ache." I sat down on the end of her bed.

"Can I stay for a while? I want to talk for a bit." She rolled her eyes slightly.

"No. Actually, I'd like you to leave." Something twitched in pain.

"What?" I straightened my posture.

"Please. Just leave Gerard. Thank you for helping me, but I'm fine and so's she."

"You can't just expect me to jump out and ditch like that. Don't you understand how long I've been looking for you? I've never stopped loving you Sam. I don't think I ever will!"

"Yeah, I know. But we have a good life and we're happy." She paused, reviewing her words like SAT answers. "I'm not even sure I love you anymore Gee. I think that it's been a long time since I've truly loved you." I stood, fury boiling.

"Oh what, you go off and have Anthony's kid and you just don't love me any more? Just an old flame who means nothing now?" Her eyes grew into saucers and her brow line furrowed into confusion."

"Anthony? What the fuck do you mean 'Anthony'?"

"M-Mikey told me that she was his daughter."

**Sorry it's so short, but it's the last chapter as Gerard. So say god bye to him for a while. Next, It's all Sam's POV. Next chapter' a continuation of this one, but in a different perspective. See you soon, I'm typing theses in class right now because finals are over, so I'm hoping to get chatper 11 out by tomorrow.**


	11. Chapter 11

**I'm soooooo sorrry I haven't updated. I really am, bit I've been so busy. I haven't been home in almost 3 or 4 weeks. And grrr I've been o fucking tired. Well, hole you enjoy it. This is more of a filler.**

Sam (September 11th 2001 cont.)

"Now why the fuck would Mikey tell you that? That's not what I told him to say."

"You told him you were leaving?"

"Well, I couldn't really tell you. My mind was set and it would only have been more difficult for me to leave." I tried to help sooth the situation.

"Well, why did you _really _leave?" It had probably been on his mind for years.

"I loved you. You know I did, but when I go pregnant, I just had to get out. We would have ruined your dreams."

"How do you know she's mine?" He asked, rejecting the truth.

"Just look at her Gerard. Does she look anything like Anthony?" His eyes darted to the small girl sleeping on my shoulder. "I left so you could be happy. So you could go to Art school and your life could be normal." I lowered my head.

"I was going to propose to you Sam." I returned my head to it's original position, shock piercing my nerves. "I would have done anything for you two to have stayed. We could have made it all work out. We could have been happy." For some reason, this all made made feel very tightly wound.

"Well, at 18, leaving was the best option. I stayed with my mom and got a degree. Our lives are fine!"

"So you've been in Virginia all this time, but all of a sudden you're back in New York?" His voice calmed, softening mine.

"No, we've visited Mikey and your parents a few times. But its been about a year. She thinks they're family on my dad's side."

"Does she know me?" Shame pulsated throughout me.

"She seen a picture from when we were little. The one where we're at the school fair and we're arm in arm?" The warm memory brought back something. "She asked who was the boy standing next to me. And, I told her you were my close friend who died in the 3rd Grade." His eyes grew wide, but he changed the subject.

"Wh-What's her name?"

"Josephine Elena Whitley. Josephine for the kid who bullied you in 2nd grade, Elena for your grandmother."

"She's beautiful Sam." Josephine stirred from her nap.

"Mommy, who are you talking to?" My eye vision flickered to Gerard, who took initiative.

"I'm the guy who helped your Mom remember?" She jumped up from my lap and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Thank you Mr. Way!" The smile he wore had faded. It was clear that he wished she'd called him "Daddy." Some part of me wished the same.

A nurse approached us.

"Ma'am, you're good to go whenever you're ready, but please remember we are very crowded." I sat up and removed the blankets.

"Thank you that's fine. I'm okay anyway. Come on Josie, time to go back and see Auntie Beth and Kurt." She jumped off the bed.

"But you were gonna take me to the book store!" She huffed angerly.

"Well, maybe we can go for a little while, but I'm going to get a coffee first." Josie turned back to Gerard, who I had almost forgotten about.

"Can Mr. Way come with us? Bet he likes coffee!" I met eye contact with him before speaking.

"No, not today Honey, Maybe another time." Her face drooped with sadness. "Come on Josie, we gotta go." I turned to gather my belongings, but was startled by my daughter's soft, woeful voice.

"Don't cry Mr. Way. I'll never forget you or how you helped my mommy live." His sniffles, deeper and more prominent, pulled something in me to jolt tears as well.

"Sam, Please." He begged.

"W-We're not going to make it before they close if we don't leave now. Thank you Mr. Way." I picked Josie up and began to walk away. At the end of the hall, I looked back and saw his head in his hands, obviously still crying. It hurt to leave him more now than in the past.

In the book store, Josie wandered around looking for small books she could read or that I could read to her. I followed, silently sipping my coffee in between my opinions on books.

"Mommy, can we go into the big book section?" I smiled at her.

"But you can't read those Honey."

"No, but you can and I like those better. The ones I can read are all boring." I giggled at her comment.

"Okay, come on."

We found our way to the chapter books and looked for interesting plots. I would read the cover and she'd decide if it was bed time worthy. We only found a few good books, but I was happy with her choices.

Sam (Narrate)

I read a chapter to her every night and our relationship grew.

Each new twist.

Each back stab.

Each character.

Each beginning.

Each end.

She'd cry, and she's laugh.

Josephine understood the books very well, feeling for them in every possible way a 5 year old could.

"_Mommy, why is Peter sad?"_

"_Because he might not see Wendy again."_

"_Then why doesn't she stay in Neverland?"_

"_Because she needs to go home."_

"_Then shouldn't Peter be happy that Wendy's happy?"_

"_Well, he might be a bit happy, but he will miss her too much to be really happy."_

"_Oh, I hope they see each other again though."_

Honestly, I lied to Gerard. We did live in the city. We lived with my best friend, Beth, and her son, Kurt who was two years older than Josie. Beth adopted Kurt when he was about 18 months old, around the same time Josie was born. I joke that she was destined to adopt him because she respects and adores Kurt Cobain. Our Kurt was named before she got him, only making the story that much sweeter. He acted as a mentor to Josie as she grew.

Beth and I were both in school when the kids came along. She studied Journalism and factual writing, while I studied creative/fictional writing. We scheduled our classes so one of us could always be there for the kid. Now I know what you're thinking, but no. Beth and I were friends with children.

We were just there for each other. Nothing further.

I had debated many times on calling Mikey and asking him if he'd like to see me and his niece. He declined most of the time. He only agreed once. We met at a dinner near in Newark, Kurt and Beth tagged along for fun.

Sam (November 29th 2001)

When we walked in, Mikey was at one of the larger tables, waving at me calmly. Most tables were empty, as we had gotten there after the lunch rush.

"Sam!" He stood and hugged me. It was comforting and familiar. Fond memories for playing bass in his living room came back to mind. I closed my eyes to picture the scene.

_Mikey and I were taking turns on riffs. The scent of coffee and whatever their mom was cooking filled the air as we wailed. All I know is that the smell was sweet, but had a twang of think savory. Mikey was only a sophomore, but his glasses made him look significantly older. I smiled and looked up, flipinf y bangs to the side. Then I saw Gerard sitting on the couch, laughing and smiling. He mouthed the lyrics to whatever song Mikey was playing._

That's when the flashback faded into reality.

"Oh my god I've missed you!" We broke and Mikey looked down at Josie, who cowarded behind Beth's legs.

"It's okay Honey, you know him, he's a friend remember. He's Mommy's Friend Mikey!" She smiled and cam out from her poor hiding spot.

"Uncle Mikey?" She giggled and rand up to hm, allowing him to pick her up into the air. He made Superman flying sounds as she "flew" through the air. Beth leaned toward me an whispered in my ear.

"'Uncle Mikey?' Sam isn't that a bit risky?"

"It's just a name. She knows he's just a friend. And if she really thinks he's her uncle, I'll just say he's my brother." I whispered back.

"Whatever."

Mikey put Josie down and I introduced Kurt and Beth.

"Mikes, this is my best friend Beth Parker and her son Kurt." Mikey smiled and shook her hand. "Kurt's in second grade, two years older than Josie." He shook Kurt's now.

"Whoa big man! Very strong grip. High Five!" They high fived and then I ushered everyone to the table.

After a while, Josie announced she needed to used the bathroom, so Beth took both kids, as to save a trip, but also leaving Mikey and I alone with our meals. After a few moments, I spoke.

"Mikey, I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell Gerard about today, he'd try looking for me. And I told you the situation." He nodded.

"Won't tell Gerard a thing, If he asks, I'll just say I went to the music store after class."

"Thank you Mikey."

"Thank you for letting me see my niece."

**Hope you enjoyed it. It took a while to put this chapter together and whatnot. Review and let e know what you think ^_^**


	12. Chapter 12

**Okay I am, for one, extremely sorry it's been so long and I promise it won't happen again. I'm giving myself a schedule. A chapter up at least every other week, if not sooner. Second, I apoligize that this is so short, as it's just a filler. **

**Sam (Narrate)**

Josie's 6th birthday was more alive than the ones from previous years, finally being in Grade School, she'd made friends. Turns out, she became rather popular and invited her whole class. So, twenty 1st graders, myself, Beth, Kurt, any my mother all in our tiny apartment. We ended outside on the playground after cake and presents so they could expell the sugar rush. I felt a bit bad for my daughter though, I had asked all the other parents to only bring a thought-full card. Spoiling a child with so many gifts wouldn't teach her a thing. So, Beth and I asked her what were the things she wanted most, and our plan was to get her the top two or three.

"_I want two barbies, a coloring book, and a big box of crayons!" _

Both Beth and I were rather confused. These were random things she could probably get at any point in the year, why she would specifically want those things now was beyond us.

Of course my mother binged out on clothes for her, but I decided that Josie deserved something more extravagant for her birthday. In addition to the barbies, I also bought her a "_Barbie Dream House." _And along with the huge box of crayons, I got her a drawing station for her room. I intended for her to be overly excited, what really happened caught me off guard.

**Sam (January 26th 2002)**

"Go ahead honey, open it." Her tiny, magenta nails began to rip through the Disney princess wrapping paper. Inside, she found the two Barbies. A moment after realizing what they were, she jumped up and hugged me.

"Thank you Mommy!" She sat back down and Kurt brought over a large box with the same wrapping. "Wow," Josie said unsure of what was going on. "how many times did you wrap it?" The room giggled at her serious comment. She tore into this present the same as the first, but was less content with what lay underneath the paper.

"MOM! Why did you get me this?" Apparently I made her angry. Beth approached her, speaking softly while I tried to usher everyone outside towards the playground.

"We'll meet you all out there in a few minutes." Beth called as I closed the door.

I waited outside with the other children for a good ten minute before I decided to leave the kids there with their parents for a bit. When I walked in, I found Josie crying rather loudly, Beth trying to calm her down.

"Honey, what's wrong?"

Josie sniffed loudly.

"I didn't want anything big. I only wanted a few things because I heard you and Auntie talking about money, and I was worried we'd live on a bus if you bought me to much." The thought only made her cry even more. I wrapped her in a tight hug and let her cry into my shoulder.

"Josephine, look at me." She complied. "I don't want you to ever have to worry about money. Mommy and Auntie Beth have it all worked out." She nodded. "Okay, can you show me how old you are today?" She held up one hand and another awkward finger.

"Six?" We both smiled.

"That's right, your six, and guess what that means?" she looked at me, waiting for an answer. "That means you have tons of years that you get to just be a kid." She was silent. "Mommy's 24, she's a adult, and adults are really the only people who have to worry about money. Are you an adult?" She loosely shook her head. "Nope, your a kid, and kids play and have fun and..."

"Don't really worry about anything!" Josie finished with a smile.

"Exatamundo, so what do ya say we all go outside and play with the other kids?" She nodded and headed for the door.

**Sam (Narrate)**

Since that birthday, she's still worried about everything in the adult world, and is just as stubborn about making it clear to everyone else. Anything and everything she could worry about, she did. From tests to the weather. I often wondered ho this would effect her later in life an tried to help her in any way I could.

**These first Chapter in "Sam POV" will be mostly about Josie's beginning and how she becomes who she is, and I seem to have trouble with the whole "Little Kid Phase". I hope I haven't upset anyone, but I really am trying the best I possibly can. **

**KTHANKSBYE ~Sam**


End file.
